Andrea and I have always been computer people. We use it for school, entertainment, shopping, banking, you name it. I've never been big on monitoring because Beazle didn't monitor my sister's or my reading, music, TV shows, or phone calls and we both turned out well. Unfortunately, now I can make a case for monitoring internet use.
My youngest Daughter got cought up with someone I would call a predator. At the end I learned she had deliberately lied to me about several things. Her behavior had became erratic, defiant, and uncaring. To me, it seemed as if her reasoning ability had gone out the window.
According to Andrea she met, I'll call him "X" through a friend. "X" is reported to have a fairly common name but not so common to arouse suspicion. He's supposed to live across the country, eighteen years old, and a college freshman. They would play games online and Skype.
Shortly thereafter, Andrea starter referring to "X" as her boyfriend. I didn't pay much attention because she'd had quite a few boyfriends for a couple weeks each. Her internet relationship stretched into months. I asked her on numerous occasions how she can call somebody she never met her boyfriend? I suggested we pay "X" a visit during our road trip this summer. She didn't want me to meet his family because she said they were prejudiced against Black People. I told her she had a problem on her hands and that's another reason to meet. I told her she needed to see if this is something she can live with.
As time went on Andrea spent more and more time playing games or using Skype with "X". When I'd tell her to get off the computer or to do something she'd get angry and belligerent. Andrea's grades started to suffer but we were able to buckle down and get good grades first semester.
Andrea had a math course she needed to make up second semester. That gave her two math classes and what a mess? She was having trouble with the makeup course again. She said "X" was good in math and could tutor her. They spent a long time doing the wrong assignments. That was all our faults because even though the first semester assignments were listed, they did have due dates and one of us three should have noticed. Andrea was discouraged because she'd done all that work for nothing. "X" started telling her she should get her GED.
I told Andrea she should keep plugging along. I told her to work on her other subjects she got behind in trying to learn that math. I started looking for another tutor because it was clear "X" was trying to learn the material along with Andrea. The math and school issues are another problem interlaced with this on. I may deal with it another time.
Andrea let her studies go. All she was interested in doing was playing games and Skyping with "X". I questioned Andrea about why he had so much time on his hands. He wasn't away long enough to even be at school part time or working at all. She said his parents didn't mind that he spent so much time doing nothing.
Andrea wouldn't do her school work, wouldn't help around the house, had tremendous mood swings, was interested in little other than games and Skype. She started talking about moving in with "X" after graduation. In one sentence she'd say she doesn't want to live in a camper/trailer all her life. I'd tell her if she doesn't want to live in a trailer all her life not to move into a trailer. The next sentence she's talking about how to make everything fit.
Andrea started telling me what she wasn't going to do. She wasn't going to go to church, she wan't going to help around the house, etc. I told her she was going to mind me as long as she was a minor or face some steep consequences. If she didn't pick up her mess and be in church Sunday morning all she was getting is basic support. No cell phone cards bought by me, no eating out, no new clothes, no more make up. Just basic food and pads. And on December31st she could get up and out of here. To show how short sighted she is, she didn't go to church that Sunday. I had already told her she had to got to church until she gets her drivers license in June. We're talking two months at most. Conference is one time we don't go and if our ride doesn't go, we don't go.
Since she was passing only two classes and had no chance of passing the rest this semester, I decided a GED would be her best bet. For some reason she signed a contract saying she would study the curriculum I lay out toward her GED. She did well for the most part. One day some new game came out and she thought she and "X" should spend the day playing it.
I felt something was seriously wrong; something more than my inability to control my daughter. I placed a FaceBook post asking for prayer. I didn't go into detail but lots of people said they'd pray. And it worked! It worked quickly. Things started falling into place. Thank you Heavenly Father.
"X's" FaceBook page was disturbing. No location, no contact information, no photos at all. I even have a few. He only had cartoons and graphics. Only 37 friends. What active FaceBook user has only 37 friends?
Yesterday morning started off really well. Then Andrea said something about waiting until she gets to where "X" lives before she gets her drivers license. She said that would be easier. I explained to her that she wouldn't have to retest. All they'd do is take her Georgia license and give her a license from there. She blew up all of a sudden and among other things said she wasn't driving, she is flying. That did it. Why I don't know. I decided I was going to put a stop to this if I could.
My incoherent thoughts. She's going across the country to live with somebody she hasn't met with no means of escape if she needs to. .
I couldnt get much useful information from Andrea so I Googled him with the information I had. I found a few entries with the age range I was given so I jotted down the phone numbers and people he may know. My intent was to call his parents to express my displeasure and to remind them of Andrea's age. I didn't want to call these random people looking for his parents though.
Next I called my sister, Constance, to see if she still had contact with her lawyer friend who was good at finding people. Andrea was in the room Skyping with "X". I decided to speak a bit loudly so they could hear me. I had been looking up how to report a suspected child predictor. To my surprise the Department of Homeland Security has a lot to do with investigating suspected child predators. I told Constance about my plans to call his parents if I could find them. I went on to say if I couldn't find them I was going to contact Homeland Security. Maybe they could drop by and see if he is really who he says he is. I don't what made me think or say that but when I did it made sense. We really didn't know if he was an 18-year-old kid, or who. I told Constance that way I'd know if I've got a big problem or a gigantic problem.
Next, Andrea said "X" wants to speak to me. I said I didn't want to talk to him, I want to speak to his parents so have them call me. Andrea said to, "Grow a pair and talk to him." I said I'm not talking to "X", Have him give his parents the landlines number. I was told they were at work. I just said have them call me tonight or I'm calling Homeland Security.
The phone rings a few minutes later and guess who? "X". He says if I don't want him to date my daughter he won't. He says if I want him to disappear he will because he didn't want to get Homeland Security involved. He admitted being older than 19 but didn't say how old. He says he's in the state Andrea said he was. I told him I thought his disappearing is a good idea if that's what he does but I'm skeptical. Your relationship isn't right when Andrea is compelled to or feels she needs to lie about your age.
He had the audacity to ask what made me suspicious. I told him the obvious one; plans to live with someone she has never met. I left the rest vague, "Too many things didn't add up."
I called Constance back to tell her what happened. She asked how Andrea was taking it. I said she wasn't mad enough so I've got to keep a close eye on her. Either She and "X" cooked something up or she's hurt because he didn't even try to fight for her. Constance thinks I should report him anyway. If if find out he and Andrea are in any kind of contact I will.
I dialed Star 69 to get the number he called from. It was a cell phone from yet another state. Granted, I kept my Arkansas number for years after moving to Georgia, but it could be another red flag.
I made another FaceBook post asking people what does Homeland Security do other than deal with terrorists and be a pain at the airport. I got one response and it had nothing to do with investigating suspected child predators. So if hardly anyone knows Homeland Security deals with this issue, why did it spook "X"? Yeah.
I decided to give Andrea a couple days to process and think about all this. Then we'll have a talk.
